England 1 - Australia 3

Ode to the Socceroos

It was the playing fields of Eton, Wellington said, that England won Waterloo
It seems it was around that time, too, when the Lion last beat the Roo

Over the past two centuries, few sporting rivalries have been as grand
As those fought out between Australia and its British Motherland

But now the England-Australia clashes are becoming kinda boring
No matter what the sport may be, it's only ever the Aussies who are scoring

Cricket, rugby league or union, the Oz wins every test
Whatever sport the countries play, England never emerges best

"But ah!" the Pommy lads would say, "Aussie soccer, now there's a joke,"
"Socceroos," they'd grunt with a laugh and fun begin to poke

If that's the case, then England's sporting age must really be dark
Considering the events of Feb. 12, 2003 at West Ham's Upton Park

It was the first time ever for the Socceroos to grace the English soil
Raging underdogs they were, but they were also in for a spoil

No mere honorable draw could ever suffice when taking on the Pom
Instead, the Socceroos went out and won the game with great aplomb

A goal against the run of play and the English backs were shocked,
Little did they realize the Socceroos' guns were still only half-cocked

Just before the half-time whistle, the ball went to Harry Kewell,
Who slid it past the English 'keeper, made the defense look just like fools

And so the game was over as the teams went in for a break
Pommy supporters booed their team off, for they knew what was at stake

Though England scored a consolation goal, the Socceroos promptly replied,
Which showed the Aussies were clearly better and further damaged English pride

It was supposed to be a night when England finally put the Aussies in their place
Instead the Aussies emerged on top, Becks and the boys left in disgrace

Once again, for the thousandth time, on the Anglo-Aussie sporting menu
The main dish tonight was British Bulldog cooked up by kangaroo

Well may you fight them on the beaches, on the lands and on the seas
Just stay away from sports fields is now the loudest of English fans' pleas

But Upton Park should not surprise, as it wasn't such a feat,
'Cause looking back the only way England ever won was to be a cheat

Each time the ball hit the back of the net it was a strike at Douglas Jardine,
Craig Johnstone, wet pitches, Tony Dorrigo and God Save the Queen

As you pull out tapes of '81 to relive Botham's cunning stunt
Don't forget you only won then 'cause our boys had a punt

So come on Mother England, throw at us your every man and every boy
Cause when it's over all you'll hear is "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi!"

Written by Ryann Connell